Yesterday was the day I launched my new website. You know about it, as you are on it right now reading this blog. It was only a recent dream to do this, but the pull towards setting this up was so real that it could not be ignored. I had not given it much thought, outside of the anticipation of finally having a platform I can use to share my ideas with those that want to read it. Setting up the content had already happened, as I was writing for myself which is what sparked the idea, and writing my personal journey to include on the site up until now was quite therapeutic for me.
However, I was sat there last night, the moment before we go to publish the site and anxiety took over. The ‘What if..?” questions filled my mind, creating an explosion of emotions in my body, all with the purpose to say ’Stop!!”. We all experience this. I am sure you can think of a recent moment for yourself as you read this. I certainly did when we first came up with our Blonde and Bear concept. Even though I knew it was a great idea, my mind immediately says “yes, but..”. The anxiety, angst, uncertainty, that fills my mind is all fear, that I know. Fear of the unknown; of being rejected; of potentially setting myself up for the scariest thing of all - failure.
The one thing I am learning though, even as I type this and feel the emotions resonate from the day before, is that life will continue to throw curve balls like these, filled with emotional triggers. We receive these ideas that are groundbreaking in our mind, but when translated into this human experience, set off these emotional triggers that, for all accounts, say you need to ‘proceed with caution’. What I do know is that this is also called ‘Leaning into Vulnerability’, and no matter how many times it happens in life, the process never seems to end with every new idea and situation. In fact, Brene Brown, a brilliant author and a woman who has committed her life to understanding Vulnerability says,
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”
Right now, as I move forward with this new venture, that is built on both truth and courage, I reflect on these words as if I am a holy man reading from his scripture. She is right, this is not weakness. Weakness is when we believe in our self doubt; that inner dialogue that removes all possibility and replaces it with uncertainty and fear. Human progress was not achieved by running from these moments, but rather by ‘leaning in’.
But in these moments, what do you choose? Do you choose to lean into the fear, or to get up and run? We are all dealt this card far too often, and so many of us choose the so called ‘easy’ path instead. However if we do lean into these moments, what is the worst that could happen? Like I mentioned earlier - failure. Is that really the worst thing? Or would sitting idle with your fearful thoughts, paralyzed by the unknown, be far worse? Is knowing that you chose a self created emotion, over a potential moment of greatness, really an easier path in life? I guess at the end of the day, that decision is solely yours to make. Much like this one was mine.
For me, in my moment, I choose to take a deep breathe and continue to 'lean in'. As I know that only once I have done this, can the universe take care of the rest.