I think the toughest part of the last 6 months has not been the change that has been ongoing in my world, but rather the complexity of that change each day. The complexity of having to come to terms with not only seeing my world in a different light, but opening up areas of my world that I thought I had all figured out, when in fact, I had barely scratched the surface.
It started with the most superficial changes - daily routine, breaking of previous habits, social structure, and so on. Once I cracked this egg, I began to see the yolk that was hidden within. And so opened up the next set of deeper personal changes - how I perceive myself, my values, my ideals, my vision for the future.. These type of changes take tremendous effort and constant attention to filter, work through what is getting stuck and accept the new version of myself. However, as all human minds go, I think that once this is done, I open a brand new version of myself and hey presto the ‘change’ has taken place. No, not quite. Everyday I find myself looking at the world with different eyes. It almost sounds like something people hear on one of those TV shows where a survivor of a great accident now has a new lease on life! I get it’s not that dramatic, but to explain the feeling of this seems to resonate the same. It’s like each day, I wake and something new is thrown at me in ways I never comprehended. At times, I grab these challenges with both hands and think, “You can’t stop me”. Many times though, I stand there, still, looking at it and wondering how the hell am I going to manage this one.
It’s incredible the depths we seem to ignore when we are happy in our content and easy going bubble of life, or so we think. I was attending a meeting in Dubai the other day and standing in a corporate office building going up to see clients. I stood there, the same person I felt I was when I was in an office space only 6 months ago, but deep down significantly different to who I was before. This isn’t to say better or worse, maybe a little more 'progressed' in my own journey. I stood there and I looked at those around me, and I could see behaviors of these employees, of these wonderful and capable humans, that I had never noticed before. So many of them looked tied to something, obliged even; uncomfortable to be there and slightly disgruntled, but getting on with it. Some were thriving, as this was their zone. They were chatting about the weekend, gossiping about the office, and what they are planning to do soon. But that was only a few of them. The rest were almost existing for that time as an obligation to life. I had never seen people in this way before.
With this new perspective it made me think, how long do we all stay in that space before we realize that we are far greater than what we allow ourselves to be? That we have a choice in all of this? For so long, I felt that I had a greater calling away from a thankless 9-5 job; a place where we forget that we spend a significant amount of our life within. I knew I was meant to be working more authentically. It wasn’t a ‘dream’ as much as it was something I had to create. It took time, but I have began to create a reality that I am super excited about and continue to work on daily. Yet, I look around now, almost sober from my previous reality that I feared ever leaving and so many people continue to exist in that same reality. Now everyone’s journey is different, I get that. Priorities, situation, ideas, fears, goals, the list goes on….but the one thing I can’t seem to ignore, is the lack of worth or value so many people put on themselves by doing nothing; by not choosing with their heart and rather doing by obligation. I just want to shake them and say WAKE UP. This is your life. This is it. Not tomorrow, not next year, not in the future. Right now. This is your life. These are your memories, your moments, your time to be as authentic and exciting and amazing as you can be. Don’t waste it. Don’t waste your time on things you don’t like. Don’t compromise. Don’t fear what you don’t know. Don’t accept rude and heartless behavior. Don’t be rude to those people around you just because you don’t like where you are yourself. Look up, smile and ask the universe to help you create that incredible reality you have been dreaming about. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. I almost wish someone did that to me, and did it in a way that it shook me to the core, years ago.
So yes, change is a complex beast. And our journeys are all different. We are all here for different things and change, for many people including myself, can be super scary. It is the dark unknown. It is what we want so deeply, but what we fear so greatly. It is intense. It is deep. But, as I am learning, and for those of you reading this and thinking of how can take your own step towards a more authentic life, please trust me when I say it is worth it. It is never ending, ever complex, scary and unknown. But it is addictive, and it makes for some of the most exciting times in your life. No matter how complex change continues to be, in every aspect of life, I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.